Confessions of a Potterholic #3 (Guest Post): Inside the Hogwarts PTA

In the event of my untimely demise, my blog will be left in the most capable hands of Bryan, one of my best friends and host of the brand-spanking-new SheNERDigans podcast.  They discuss all kinds of nerdy things and happenings, up to and including Harry Potter!  avatars-000184240947-mbi31b-t500x500This month, I asked Bry to write up a guest post for Confessions of a Potterholic, and the inner-workings of his brain might actually be more convoluted than mine….at least when it comes to things of the Potter persuasion.  I gave him absolutely no parameters or guidelines except to “write something Potter”.  His twisted little mind came up with the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry PTA! Here goes nothing….


The tales of the boy who lived and the wondrous place known as Hogwarts will forever live in the hearts and minds of those they touched. The Potter-verse is rife with mysticism and fantasy, from the enormous cast of characters to the dangerous and seemingly impossible events that take place there. As amazing as the universe these characters inhabit is, it seems that Hogwarts is a very dangerous educational establishment and not a safe place for children; magic or otherwise. This thought has made me begin to ponder how Hogwarts School of Witch and Wizardry would have handled the always dreaded PTA meetings?

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Let’s imagine, just like any other Hogwarts assembly, that these meetings were held in the Great Hall. Dumbledore and his faculty of educators are all seated at the table facing an enormous crowd of concerned parents, both magical and muggle. If these meetings had taken place, for instance, in Harry’s 2nd year, I could imagine some of the complaints that would arise. “I don’t know how safe I feel with my child attending a school with a giant snake living under one of the bathrooms!”. “Yeah! especially since a rather disconcerting amount of students are being petrified with no explanation!”. Or maybe they would have said something to the effect of “I understand that your school’s groundskeeper has a pet spider in his care that almost ate two of the students, would you care to explain this?” .

I bet the parents would have been very concerned with the womping willow that will basically kill any moving object the gets a little too close to it. I wonder how much paperwork the schools legal team would have had to file due to complaints every year. The better question is, did Hogwarts even have any legal representation in the first place? Are there even any magical lawyers or does the ministry of magic deal directly with the accused? I remember in the Order of the Phoenix that Dumbledore kind of played the part of Harry’s legal representation after he was found using magic off of school grounds. But getting back to the topic at hand, I’d be willing to bet that PTA meetings would have been great during the reign of the foulest of the foul of all the teachers in Harry Potter. That’s right, I’m talking about the infamous Dolores Umbridge. I’m sure she would have been ever so responsive to the complaints regarding random words scratched into the arms of the students. Not to mention the completely unethical and asinine rules she enforced. I suppose the world may never know.

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I can only imagine what kinds of complaints and questions parents of young witches and wizards would have had after the battle of Hogwarts. We all know the impact this battle had in the magic community.  The fact that they were able to rebuild the school and maintain the reputation it held for so many years is incredible. I suppose that after the battle, the safety measures would have increased, even though the biggest threat to the school was destroyed. Post-war, Hogwarts may have been the safest it had been in many years. I bet that Professor McGonagall would have had a thing or two to say to those who complained about the tragic and dangerous events that occurred at Hogwarts in the years that Harry Potter was a student there and I, for one, would love to read them.  But, alas, I suppose that is a task left up to the fan fiction writers. In closing, I guess the parents of these students knew exactly what they were getting themselves and their children into when they agreed to send them to school.  They put an immense amount of trust in the educators at Hogwarts, but I suppose I would too if I was a part of that universe.

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